that which is enough to make you, to fill that void,

will ultimately be enough to break you as well.

thetrackrecords.blogspot.com 

never take for granted what you have,

and never doubt what you feel and see.

i don’t know if it’s just how very cold it is in my room tonight

but man, i can’t sleep

i know i’m not running on a lot as it is

i got into bed relatively early, too… that kinda sucks

my mind keeps moving, but not in any progressive direction

i’m relaxed, just zoned out.

cover of, “Hallelujah”

understand that i know what today is, and that i’ve been thinking of you all this time, regardless of situation, and of time. 

i know that if anything’s going to work, we have a long, long way to go.  but the thing is, no one’s made me think, love, act, or hurt as much as you have, and there’s no one i’d rather do that with.

Every night i get home, there’s a big bunch of fur sitting in front of my clock on my bed from my cat waiting for me to come back. I think i get it, now.

or really, maybe just me.

i take so long to react to things, sometimes all i want to do is apologize because i think that that would be enough; sometimes all i want to do is just settle it, so i know that i can move on.  i’ve spent too much time living like each day is going to be my last, because for a long time, i wanted it to be.  it’s hard trying to see a future when every time i’ve had a dream it’s been crushed; i recognize that that’s been a mixed bag of my own self-fulfilling prophecies and just the way that things work out.  i let myself get so beat down sometimes i forget what the world looks like when my face isn’t covered in dirt.

i’ve spent too much time wanting to be the better man, rather than being him — you help me see that, and maybe someday, that man will be yours.  the thing is, i understand that so much better in the quiet, now, when i’m not blinded by having to see you and knowing that you’re going to avoid my touch.

time like this passes quickly for me, it just needs to be quiet, and i just need to be alone, it’s like the world just unravels in front of me and i can see the bigger picture, without distractions of you, without distractions of the things i need to get done.  

lots of things are supposed to work out in lots of ways, but this is how i work, through my words, through focusing on thoughts and letting them translate from my head to the keyboard to the screen, then putting it in a place where i know, if someone was curious enough, they could come see it, and try to take the time to understand, and maybe reflect the way that i did.

i’ve got lots to do tonight, and lots on my mind; sometimes i forget that i don’t know how to give up.

i’ve got my wits back about me now,

but it doesn’t make things any easier.

sometimes i forget that it’s hard to.